{"id":4182,"date":"2024-02-08T11:10:02","date_gmt":"2024-02-08T03:10:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vip.lovezoomdev.com\/?p=4182"},"modified":"2025-02-19T10:25:24","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T02:25:24","slug":"how-can-i-help-a-doulas-tips-for-when-someone-you-love-is-trying-to-get-pregnant","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lovezoom.com\/how-can-i-help-a-doulas-tips-for-when-someone-you-love-is-trying-to-get-pregnant\/","title":{"rendered":"How can I help? A doula\u2019s tips for when someone you love is trying to get pregnant"},"content":{"rendered":"
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When you\u2019re focused on trying to prevent pregnancy, it can be easy to overlook the experience of those who are actually trying to get pregnant. If you haven\u2019t been on a journey of trying to conceive (TTC) yourself, you may not have heard much about what it\u2019s like, as it\u2019s something people don\u2019t always discuss. Maybe you first encountered this topic because of the storyline of a TV show or a movie. With those plots you might see things like couples timing when they have sex, temperature taking, having interestingly timed encounters in the bathroom at a party, or having sex in different positions. Although it makes for fun TV, it doesn\u2019t show the fuller picture of the topic of TTC, which for some people can be long and include more steps (and more people!).<\/p>

The World Health Organization estimates that about\u00a01 in 6\u00a0people globally are affected by infertility in their lifetime. In the U.S., about\u00a04 in 10\u00a0people will use some type of help to become pregnant according to the Pew Research Center. Help includes things like medications to encourage ovulation; procedures to unblock the fallopian tubes, epididymis, or uterus; in vitro fertilization (IVF); intrauterine insemination (IUI); and\/or needing to find the materials needed to make a baby (sperm or eggs). Even though data says TTC journeys are more common than we might realize, the road to pregnancy, and the twists and turns it can take, aren\u2019t always talked about, which means ideas for how to support someone in this journey might be hard to find. But being there for loved ones who are trying to get pregnant can make a huge difference in their experience. This is especially true if they are a person of color as there is still a\u00a0disparity in access\u00a0and use of fertility treatments for Black and brown communities, so feelings of isolation may be even more intense for them. Here are some ways you could show up:<\/p>

1. Ask your loved one how to best support them.<\/h2>

Each person who is on a TTC journey will experience it differently and need different support. When in doubt, ask them what would be helpful to them, and be prepared to offer up suggestions for how you can uniquely show up (that\u2019s what the rest of the list is for!).<\/p>

2. Validate their feelings.<\/h2>

There could be a range of feelings they might feel at any given time. Regardless of where they are on the road to pregnancy or how long they\u2019ve been working to become or stay pregnant, the feelings can be intense, they may be mixed, and no matter what they\u2019re real. Listen actively, acknowledge that what they\u2019re feeling deserves attention, be empathetic, and offer comfort.<\/p>

3. Help create self-care plans (and if you\u2019re a partner in the TTC journey make sure you create a plan for yourself too!).<\/h2>

The road to pregnancy can take a toll on people physically but also mentally, emotionally, and financially. Helping your loved one identify and carry out different ways to pour back into themselves can lead to a more positive experience overall, even when times get really tough. The list of ideas can include simpler, low-cost self-care treats like favorite foods and feel-good movie nights, as well as more involved self-care, like pairing a certain ritual to a certain activity or moments in their journey (for example, doing things to express gratitude and care for their body if their period comes or after a negative pregnancy test). It can also be helpful to support someone on their TTC journey in creating and holding boundaries with others (including you!).<\/p>

4. Avoid certain questions and phrases.<\/h2>

There are certain things that people often say that are not helpful in most cases and would be better to avoid, like, \u201care you pregnant yet?\u201d, \u201cwhen do you think it will happen?\u201d, \u201conce you stop thinking about it, it will happen,\u201d or \u201c[insert unsolicited advice\/clich\u00e9 here].\u201d Even when we as community members say things with the best intentions, it can come off as judgmental or dismissive of what people are experiencing.<\/p>

5. Offer to help with research and referrals.<\/h2>

There\u2019s so much out there about trying to get pregnant, including information on how long to wait before seeking medical support, hormone levels,\u00a0menstrual cycle\u00a0tracking, procedure options, medications, finding sperm, financial support, and other support resources (like fertility doulas). With everything else your loved one is doing just to be an adult, having to sift through all of that information can be overwhelming for just one person! Offer to help them with finding resources or information in one or two categories to lighten the mental load (for example, helping them find grant programs or even helping come up with a list of questions that they can ask their provider).<\/p>

6. Provide companionship during or after a provider visit.<\/h2>

Physically showing up can be really helpful. If you\u2019re present at a visit you can be a second set of ears for information they receive about options, you can provide comfort and relaxation support, and you can ask questions they may not have thought of. If you\u2019re physically with them after the visit, you can help them with their post-visit self-care, process the visit with them, and help them figure out possible next steps or follow-up questions.<\/p>

7. Respect their boundaries.<\/h2>

Understand that each person who goes on this journey will have different sensitivities. These can include things like whether or not they\u2019d like to be invited to baby showers and birthday parties, whether they want to talk about what\u2019s going on with their journey, or whether they want to see pictures of other people\u2019s sonograms or births. How folks feel can also change over time, so continue to check in, offer open invitations or other ways for them to stay connected, and let them know that you\u2019re there for them.<\/p>

8. Help them celebrate the big and small moments.<\/h2>

There might be a lot of ups and downs, and there will likely be lots of waiting. Whatever they see as a win is a win and you can be there to help them honor that and find the joys wherever they may be in the process.<\/p>

9. Know your limits and when you might need to suggest other support.<\/h2>

This can include support from a therapist, fertility doula support, and\/or TTC support groups and communities. Being in community with others that have a deeper, shared understanding of what they\u2019re going through, and who have additional resources, can decrease the feelings of isolation or shame that someone might feel.<\/p>

Written by Jade F. Hillery, MPH, CD(DTI)<\/p>

Jade F. Hillery, MPH, CD(DTI) is a full spectrum doula, trainer\/facilitator, and sensual movement instructor in the Washington DC metro area. She utilizes the intersection of these three areas to support and facilitate experiences for people to explore and tap into their power, unique voice, and embodied self trust. She launched her doula company in 2018 with the belief that everyone deserves compassion, education, and support across the full range of reproductive health outcomes and works to create that reality. When she\u2019s not educating or doula-ing you can find her exploring different restaurants, teaching dance classes, and hanging out with her fuzzy love\u2014Pippy the cat.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When you\u2019re focused on trying to prevent pregnancy, it can be easy to overlook the experience of those who are actually trying to get pregnant. If you haven\u2019t been on a journey of trying to conceive (TTC) yourself, you may not have heard much about what it\u2019s like, as it\u2019s something people don\u2019t always discuss. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4183,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[194],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4182","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-hookups"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lovezoom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4182","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lovezoom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lovezoom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lovezoom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lovezoom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4182"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lovezoom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4182\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4184,"href":"https:\/\/lovezoom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4182\/revisions\/4184"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lovezoom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4183"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lovezoom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4182"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lovezoom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4182"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lovezoom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4182"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}